I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
