Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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