I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
