did you get engaged???
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
