Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I need moral support for this bender
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
