1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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