so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
