i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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