Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
