u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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