bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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