He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
