she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
