Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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