saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
