ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
