I can feel you judging me through the phone.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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