I feel like I'm in dance class right now
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
