Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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