if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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