Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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