I'm lost and stupid without you.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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