If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
