Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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