If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
