Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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