big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
