on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
