I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
