You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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