I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
