I think I died a long time ago.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
