hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
