So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
