Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
