walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
