Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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