Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
