I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
even my farts smell like vagina
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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