there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
