She announced her abortion via fbk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
