That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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