The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
