OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
