We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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