He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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