Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
