I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
