I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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