Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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