I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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