Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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