I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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