Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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