How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
