There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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