I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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