marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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