so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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